Something on My Mind

Excuse me everyone, but I'd like to tell you about something that is on my mind...=)

Hair Dilemma: The Final Decision

Thank you to everybody who weighed in and offered your advice to me in my "hair" time of need!  

I really weighed the pro's and con's quite heavily and I pondered over all of your advice quite a bit.  

I knew that if I went with my desire and cut my hair, that this would be the end of trying to grow it out for quite awhile, so I knew that I really needed to think this one through carefully.

First of all, I agree that longer hair would come in handy on the days that I don't want to fix it.  For me, that is the biggest appeal and advantage to having long hair.  It would be nice to take two minutes to pull it up and be out the door.  

But I also like the fact that when my hair is short, I have to fix it.  It makes me feel less frumpy and a little more like I actually do care a little about what I look like. I like having on a little makeup and knowing my hair looks decent, even if I am just staying home.  So the not-fixing-it, although appealing, doesn't really apply to me.  I know I would want to fix it anyway, and the longer it is, the more time and effort that will take.
And let's face it, I am all about quick and easy these days.

Rachel, I am totally in agreement with you!  If I knew my hair would look like this...

in the end, I would totally do it - but it won't.  I don't have a personal stylist on hand to do it for me and to touch it up for me all throughout the day.  My hair is thick and heavy and would just look flat.  It would constantly be hanging in my eyes or my mouth.  I would get sweaty wearing it down and would always end up pulling it up anyway.  

So, is it really worth the time and effort of growing it through all of the ugly, in between stages, just to pull it up in a ponytail 98% of the time anyway? In that case, I wouldn't even look like those beautiful girls with the long flowing hair that I originally wanted anyway!

So here is what I have come up with:

Long hair looks beautiful if you take the time to do it, which I don't want to do.  

I do like fixing my hair and having it look styled, but I want to be able to accomplish that look in as little time, and with as little effort as possible.

My husband likes whatever I do with my hair, so I don't feel that urge to keep growing it long for him.

I like changing my hair, and I wouldn't feel like I could do that as much with long hair.  So I am afraid that after all the time and effort taken to grow it out, I would just end up wanting to cut it anyway.

I have considered extensions, but I don't think I would like them.  I wouldn't want long hair that I couldn't even run my fingers through!  Plus they are expensive and require a lot of upkeep.

After wig shopping with my Mom and seeing how good they look these days, I am still seriously considering just getting one of those, then I could have long hair anytime I want!!

 So, when thinking about what I ultimately wanted with my hair, I found that I want something that doesn't take a long time to do and that still looks like it has been styled at the end of the day.  

So, after all of that debate, the winner is...

Long hair.

Reading through my posts on this issue and all of your comments, I realized that I had pretty much talked myself into cutting it before I was even done writing my first post.  In fact, I even had the haircut appointment scheduled.  However, I also realized that whenever I have found myself in this quandary in the past, I always give in and cut it.  So I have decided that I need to give longer hair its fair chance.  I think that I won't like it and that it won't look like as good as the hair in these pictures, but how do I really know, because I haven't had long hair in such a long time?!?!

So, I am going to try to hang in there and grow it some more.  Who knows how long I will be able to go before cutting it again, but here's to giving long hair a shot.  Wish me luck!

(and here is a before shot of me so that I will have something to compare it to later on=)

Long, beautiful hair, here I come!!=)

A Hero Among Us

In case you haven't heard, my husband is a hero.

He has been a hero to me for many years now, but last Saturday, he was publicly recognized for being a hero to some wonderfully deserving little people - the children of Utah's foster care system.  On the 24th of July, Mike was honored at the Real Salt Lake vs. Chivas USA soccer game for being a "Hero Among Us".

We were given 4 tickets, so in exchange for some babysitting services, we took my sisters two oldest boys, while Ian slept over at her house with her youngest son.  Zack and Parker have been asking to go to a game for a while, so we were excited to get to take them. They really enjoyed the game, the crowds, going down on the field afterward for the fireworks show, and there were only a couple of meltdowns=)

We started our evening with some dinner at my sister's house and then we headed out.  We were told to be there an hour early, and we ended up being more like an hour and 15 minutes early.  I guess we were a little excited=)  

We found our host and she hooked Mike up with his credentials so he could get onto the field.  Then we parted ways - he went inside and the rest of us headed for our seats.  Seats that were in the sun.  It was SO hot!!!  So instead of sitting there in pools of our own sweat for the next hour until the game started, we went in search of snow cones and shade.
(P.S. I don't know what is up with the font size in this post, but it keeps wigging out, and I have tried, unsuccessfully, several times to fix it - sorry)

Eventually, we found our way back to our seats and about 10 minutes before kickoff, the announcer began introducing Mike over the loud speaker.  Although the sun had started going down by then, I couldn't get a good shot of Mike on the field because of the bright sun.  So instead, I shot a video of the JumboTron.  Again, the sun was in my eyes, so I couldn't even see the screen of my camera and just hoped that I was getting it.  So I apologize for the shaky cam, and you can't really hear what is being said, but here is a little clip of Mike's big moment.

Here is what was posted about him on Real Salt Lake's official website...

Mike Millgate Honored as Saturday’s RSL/American Express “Heroes Among Us”

Real Salt Lake and American Express are proud to honor Mike Millgate as this Saturday’s recipient of the “Heroes Among Us” award for going the extra mile – or, as will be the case, miles – for area foster children. Mr. Millgate and his wife recently added to their family by adopting a son through the foster care system, and his kindness and generosity resulted in him being named one of five 2010 “Foster Fathers of the Year” by KSL at its Family Fair at The Gateway last month during Father’s Day weekend.

In future months, Millgate will turn his attention to spreading the word and raising money for the foster care system by hitting the road. When he participates in his first marathon this August, Mike will use the opportunity to earn money for the Utah Foster Care Foundation through his website, http://www.run2100.com, where supporters can donate. The Riverton native is also organizing a team for the Ragnar Relay from Logan to Park City next June, during which he and his team will be wearing “run-2-100” shirts to promote this worthy cause. 

For being a loving father to his growing family and serving as a caring example for the foster care system, RSL and American Express are proud to present Mike Millgate with an RSL jersey that signifies him as a true “Hero Among Us.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mike was given an official Real Salt Lake jersey, complete with his last name on the back.  It was really cool!

The whole night in general was pretty cool.  I will admit that it was a little surreal to see our faces on the big screen, and to hear Mike's name over the loud speaker.  But it was an incredible honor, and one that we were truly grateful for.  Exposure can be a very good thing.  Case in point, when Mike checked his website earlier in the day Saturday, the counter was somewhere around 2,400 visitors.  When we checked it Sunday morning, it was closer to 4,000.  If at least some of those visitors took the time to donate to the foster care system,  then it was definitely a huge success!!

Mikey - Thank you for being such an amazing man, husband, and father.  Thank you for taking the initiative to try and help those less fortunate than you.  That is an admirable and respectable trait that I am glad our son will learn from you.  You are doing amazing things, and I am incredibly proud of you for it. 
I LOVE YOU, MY HERO!!!! 

Tiny Angel

I just saw these pictures on Facebook, and they brought tears to my eyes.  This is my son on the day he was born.

I didn't get to meet my sweet boy on the day he was born, so these pictures of him are very precious to me.  

I Love you Baby!!

My Infertile Mind Is Spinning

A couple of day ago, I was reading one of my favorite blogs, the r house, and one of her most recent posts really got my mind spinning.  The content of that post has been on my mind ever since.  But it wasn't just the content of the post alone that had me all wound up, but the responses to the post as well.  It all started a chain reaction in my mind, which brought about a whole lot of questions, but not a lot of answers. I can't seem to stop thinking about it, so I am turning to one of my favorite outlets for help - writing .  Maybe if I write about it here, some of you can help me work it out.

Here is the situation. 

I am a loyal follower of the r house blog.  I love Mrs. R and her blog has helped me through a lot of tough times.  She writes candidly, openly, and passionately about infertility and adoption - two things that I am very well aware of .

I have had the opportunity to meet Mrs. R a couple of times, and she is just as great in person.  We have a lot of things in common and the way she writes about her life is both entertaining and inspiring.

I normally agree with what she writes about and I think we share a lot of the same beliefs.  However, the particular post that started my whirlwind of thoughts was entitled teaching a lesson on "The Importance of Life".  Mrs. R had to teach a lesson in her church that was basically about the worth of women and the importance of bringing children into this world.  It got her quite upset and she was seemingly very worried about how she, an infertile woman, was going to teach a lesson on this particular subject without breaking into tears over her own inadequacies.  

(I hope I am accurately paraphrasing here=)

I guess I can understand how she might feel inadequate to be able to teach such a lesson, but my impressions upon reading her post were that she was more upset over her own inability to bear a child than her inability to teach these young women about its importance.  Maybe that was an inaccurate assumption, but that was my impression.

That is where she lost me.  

First of all, I believe very strongly that a woman's worth is based far more on how she raises her children, than simply by the fact that she gave birth to them and brought them physically into this world.  I began to think about my own issues with infertility, and how I used to ask, "why can she have a child and I can't?  What did she do to deserve it that I didn't do?"  Looking back now, I believe that God knew that with His help, anyone could bear a child, but not everyone could be a good and loving Mother.  I choose to believe that I was lumped into the second category, and was given this life so that I could have the opportunity to be just that - and I could not be more grateful for my infertility because it has led me here.

So, I simply could not understand how, as an adoptive Mother to two beautiful boys, Mrs. R could not feel that her worth was great.   I read her words, and I felt her pain, but I didn't understand why she was feeling this way.  It didn't make sense to me.

She said that her sense of worth as a Mother is great, but she lacks that same sense of worth as a woman.  That doesn't make sense to me either.  My sense of worth as a woman is very much defined to me by my sense of worth as a Mother.  I am a better woman, because I am a Mother and vice versa. 

Then I read about many, many women who responded to her post saying that they too struggle with this issue, and I was simply dumbfounded.  I could see that there are a lot of mothers out there who feel inadequate in some way because they could not bring their children into this world, and I started wondering what it is about me that makes me different from all of these infertile, adoptive mom's.  Why are they feeling this way, and I am not?  

As I mentioned before, I had a lot of questions, and not a lot of answers.  I talked for a long time with my husband tonight about it, hoping he could offer me the insight that I was missing.  However, as we do see eye to eye on this issue, he was struggling to understand it just as much as I was.  We had a great conversation, but I was still lacking the answers I was seeking.

I posted a comment on Mrs. R's blog stating some of my questions, and hoping for some answers, I wrote that 

"as an infertile woman myself who has cried and prayed and sobbed my heart out over the fact that I cannot "bear" a child, I have never felt more worth or purpose than I do as an adoptive mother. I have finally discovered the answer to my "why me"'s? His name is Ian. HE is the reason I was chosen for infertility, and I could not be more grateful for it. I was made to be his mother, and the fact that I didn't give birth to him does not lessen my worth as his mother one single ounce."  

I went on to say that "I do think it was a blessing to those girls to be getting a lesson like this from someone who suffers from infertility, because it will offer them a viewpoint that they most likely have never considered before. I never thought that I wouldn't bear a child of my own - that is until I couldn't. But I thank God every day for leading me where I needed to be to meet the son who was always meant to be mine."

I truly believe that.  I know that I was chosen for this task, and it is one I cherish more than life itself.  I feel honored to have been chosen to be Ian's Mom, and that role gives me more a sense of worth than I have ever felt before in my life.

Mrs. R responded to me by saying that "these feelings had nothing to do with my children or my role as a mom. I too feel incredible worth as a mom.
For me, these feelings are about feeling inadequate as a woman who does not bear children.

For me, infertility and adoption are both related and not related. Adoption is not a cure for infertility. Just because I have those precious littles in my home, it doesn't mean that my infertility has gone away. I do believe that adoption is a "cure" for childlessness and within my role as a mother I have found out more about myself and found more joy ...but that doesn't mean those pangs of infertility have left or are cured."

This response just left me with even more questions.  How can adoption be a cure for childlessness, but not be a cure for infertility? To me, childlessness and infertility are one in the same.  

I understand that just because a person adopts a child, it does not mean that they are no longer infertile.  I get that - I do.  However, my struggles through the pain of infertility were because it meant one thing - that I could not have a child.  I wanted to be a Mother more than anything, and knowing that I couldn't do that was what brought me the most pain.

But now I have that which I wanted more than anything in this world. I am a Mother.  The way in which he got here isn't as important to me as the simple truth that he got here and is my son, now and forever.  I have a son who is more beautiful than I ever could have imagined, and just as much mine as any biological child I might have born.  

So, ultimately, I suppose that I don't understand the feelings of inadequacy that come with not being able to bring a child into this world, because I believe that my child was brought here the way God intended for him to get here, and with His help, I was ready and waiting to be the Mother my son needed me to be.  I also believe I needed to feel the pain of infertility to be able to appreciate the joys of motherhood.  

For me, infertility was life-altering and definitely one of the most painful things I have ever endured.  It is not a pain that I would wish on anyone.  It was a pain so intense that it threatened to take over my entire soul.  But, thankfully, now there is far too much joy, happiness and peace in my soul to leave any room for that old pain I once knew so well.

I don't mean to make light of infertility or judge anyone who is currently struggling with this issue.  I am simply trying to understand, so thank you for letting me work through my questions here, and if you have any insight, please fill me in.

I know that adoption is not a cure for infertility.  But for me, adoption was the means of curing the pain of infertility and my feelings of failure or inadequacy as a woman that came along with that.

I am still infertile, and probably always will be.  But the pain from that has dulled so much, because I am now a Mother.  Life is good, and my worth is great.

Am I missing something here?

Hair Poll

As I am sure many of you can probably relate to, I am a woman who has a hard time with my hair.  I am constantly wanting to change it.  Color it, cut it, curl it - Perhaps that is why I wanted to go to hair school?

Anyway, I am currently in the depths of a hair funk...again.

Here is the deal.  I have had short hair for a long time - probably since I got married.  I like short hair.  For me, it feels more styled and I don't shed as much.  

However, I see all of these beautiful women with beautiful long, flowing hair, and I turn green with envy. I think that I want to try hair like that. I am curious if it would look good on me or not.

So, I try to grow it out.  I wait, I try to leave it alone, and then after several months, I end up cutting it.  I have tried this routine more times than I can count, and I always end up cutting my hair before it really goes anywhere.  

I think that deep down, I really can't stand long hair anymore.  It feels hot, messy, and unstyled to me.  Plus, the only haircuts I have had that I really like on myself are short.

So herein lies my problem.  I have convinced myself that if I don't grow my hair out now, I never will.  The older I get, the less willing I am going to be at following through with the whole growing out stage, so I tried to tell myself it was now or never.  I stopped getting the trims and just let it go.  

When I felt the first urge of wanting to cut it, I decided that maybe a perm would help.  I figured this would give me more styling options and would, hopefully, get me through to the more bearable, longer stage.  

It worked for about two months.  I think it was mostly because it had been so many years since I had gotten a perm that it took me that long to get over the shock and actually be able to do something with it.

But now I am back to the wanting to cut it stage.  Is it just me, or do any of you perpetually fight with yourself over whether or not to grow out your hair?  I feel myself closing in on the losing end of the battle again.  I want to go back to the familiar short stage where I know a few style tricks and feel like my hair actually looks "fixed" every now and then.  

What do you think?

Maybe I should just buy a long wig=)

What a Difference a Year Makes

Do you know what you were doing last year at this time?

I do.  

The hubby and I had just gone to court, again, and it was looking like Ian's birth mom was going to be getting him back soon.  She was granted unsupervised visits, and we were desperately trying to prepare ourselves for what seemed like the horribly inevitable.

I remember those days so clearly.  Those were the hardest and most painful days I have ever known, and the impact they have left on my heart remains vividly strong.  When I think back to the pain I felt in believing I was going to lose the beloved baby that in my heart I knew was mine, my heart still burns and my eyes start to tear up.  My chest tightens, and it gets a little harder to breath.  

But only for a moment.

Then I take in a HUGE breath of relief, and pull my little angel into my arms in a tight embrace.  

He is here.

He is MY son.

I am HIS Mommy, and we will never have to know another day without that, ever! 

I will never have to live through that fear of having him taken from us again.  I will never have to wonder if I will see his next birthday, get to walk him to school, or get to kiss his sweet chubby cheek goodnight.

And he will never have to know what it feels like to be taken from the only Mom and Dad he has ever known, and for that, I am truly, truly grateful!  

I remember the many, many tears I shed last year over what my poor baby would have to go through if he was taken from us.  Far more than any fear I had for myself, I feared what that would be like for him, and I wanted more than anything to be able to save him from that pain.  I wanted to protect him from every hurt and pain that I could.

That desire to protect him began the moment I first laid eyes on him - so innocent, so helpless, and so alone.  On the day that I first met my son, I made him a promise.  I promised him that I would be here for him from here on out, and he would NEVER have to fight alone again.  Mike and I would fight for him and with him, and he would never have to be alone again.

My heart was so heavy and it hurt SO much when I started to see that I might have to break that promise.  The helplessness I felt was overwhelming.  

I used to sing this song to my son and cry as the words took on a whole new meaning for me.

Then a miracle happened.  One of many...

Prayers were most definitely answered, and not only for us, but for Ian's birth Mom "E" as well.  She had been praying and struggling over the realization that she was not meant to be Ian's Mom.  Her prayers had been answered, only they were probably not the answers she wanted to hear.

I cannot imagine what that must have been like for her, and I can only thank God for helping her to see the truth, and giving her the courage and strength to accept it and to act on it.

One year ago, we walked into a conference room where "E" asked us if we would be willing to adopt her son.
One year ago, four lives were changed forever.
One year ago, I was able to let out the breath I had been holding since the day I first laid eyes on my sweet son.

What a difference a year makes!

Today, we are blessed with the security of knowing that we will forever have our tomorrows. We are a family and no one will ever be able to change that or take that from us.  

We are truly blessed!

Memorable Mommy Moments

For the past 18 months, I have been finding each of my days filled with beautiful and special moments.  Moments that melt my heart and help me to understand what a miracle it was that I was waiting all those years for.

I thought I should start jotting a few of them down so that I don't forget them.

So, here is my Memorable Mommy Moment for today...

My latest copy of "Parents" magazine came in the mail today.  Ian was playing happily on the living room floor with his new motorcycle toy, so I thought it might be a good time to browse a page or two.  As I was perusing the table of contents and trying to decide which article to read, I noticed out of the corner of my eye, my little boy carrying a rather large book over to the couch.  I didn't say anything and just pretended to be engrossed in the magazine.  I watched as he set it on the couch next to me and then climbed up himself.  He slid over until his leg was touching mine and then opened his book to "read" with me.  He looked up and saw that I was watching him, so he flashed me that million dollar grin and said cheerfully, "Hi!"  

We sat that way, "reading", just a Mommy and her boy, for probably 10 minutes.

Memorable moment for sure!!!

Random Thoughts

I have been having a lot of random thoughts lately. Thoughts that just roll around and around and around...not really going anywhere, but occupying space in my mind. 

As each day goes by, and my son gets a little bit older, I start thinking about things that either -

 a) I have never thought about before, or 

b) weren't pertinent before now so I didn't give them much thought.

I don't know if any of you care about these random thoughts floating around in my mind, but I thought I would share a few of them with you anyway.  Here goes...

1) How old will my son be when he notices that he is a little bit darker than Mommy and Daddy?  
And will he view that as a good thing or a bad thing? 

This thought has actually been taking up a lot of my thoughts lately.  I was talking with my sister about this just the other day, and she told me a story of her neighbor who had gone through something similar.  She and her husband, who are both Caucasian, adopted a son who is African American. He is 7 years old and she thought it was the time to have the "people are all different" talk with him.  She talked to him about how all people look different and how we are all beautiful and have many wonderful qualities, etc, etc.  Later that evening she overheard him telling his Dad to be "careful" around Mom today because she is "sad that she looks different".  He didn't even realize that the talk was for his own benefit=) 

I love that story because it shows how innocent children are to these issues that we as parents worry about every day.  I don't want this to become an issue because I make it one.  I guess I still have some years to ponder this one, but my main hope is that my son will have a healthy enough self esteem that his ethnicity will just be an added bonus to the wonderful person he already is.  

2) When should we take another foster child into our home?

Mike and I have talked about this and we both feel that we are not done being foster parents.  We still have so much love and support to give, so we know we want to do it again.  The question now is when?  We now have Ian to think about and worry about how having another child in our home will affect him.  Plus, he is SO busy these days, we have to ask ourselves if we can physically survive having two right now!=)

3) What age child do we take?

One of the millions of difficult things about being a foster parent, at least for us, is identifying which qualities, which ages, which gender, or which ethnicity you will accept in the children who are placed in your home.  We feel that you don't get to choose any of these things when you have a child biologically, so who are we to say yes or no to any of these things when we get our children?  It is really hard for us, to put it mildly.  

Things are a little different this time around too, because last time, we were just a couple.  We had no other children to worry about, or take into consideration.  This time, we do.

So, we worry about whether we should follow the "birth order" that has been established in our family now and only take in children who are younger than Ian.  Or will that eliminate someone who really needs us?

Although this question is still lingering around in my mind, and I will probably keep worrying about it until we get the call about a child who is waiting for us, I think Mike and I have come up with a pretty good answer to this one.
There were definite miracles involved with Ian coming to our home and us becoming a family.  After having sat on our paperwork for as long as we possibly could, we just checked Caucasian and sent it in.  We thought that we wanted a child who looked like us so that they could decide who they wanted to tell that they were adopted, instead of people automatically assuming it when they saw us together.
With that said, we should technically never have even been called about Ian.  Thankfully, God was watching over us and helped us to find each other and become the family that we were always meant to be.
So now, we just have to have faith again that the children who are meant to be with us will find their way here.  At least, that is my hope.

4)  Am I providing my son with enough stimulation/ nutrition/ education 
to keep him developing properly?

Maybe some of you parents don't worry about this, but I choose to believe that most of you do. I worry because I can't seem to get Ian to eat vegetables.  I worry if he watches t.v. that it might not be good for him.  I worry that I am not doing enough to fill his days with stimulating and beneficial activities.  

But you know what?

I also think that just because this is something that I am consciously aware of, that just maybe, I am doing okay.  Just maybe, one of these days he will eat his broccoli and actually love it.  And if he doesn't??  Oh well... he is happy, he is healthy, he is so smart and always surpasses his developmental milestones, so maybe these worries are ones that I should learn to squash.  Yeah right, but nice thought, isn't it?=)

5)  Do I give my husband enough quality attention?

If I am totally honest here, the answer is probably no.  As I am sure all parents have experienced, something happens when you have kids that seems to just eat up all the time you once had to be together.  I really do try to give Mike his "wife" time, but honestly, Ian requires so much more of my time and energy, that Mike gets whatever is leftover, if anything at all sometimes.  

We knew this going in though, and I think my hubby knows Ian needs me more now.  I truly think that the many years we had together pre-kids have helped to solidify a union that will survive parenthood beautifully. We are a partnership in everything, not the least of which is the raising of our son.  So I know Mike understands, but I do still feel a little guilty about it.  I just hope he can look through the not-showered-at 5:00 p.m., messy house, mashed-potatoes-in-the-hair, too-tired-to-cook-dinner, falling-exhausted-into-bed,exterior to see his wife.  The one who thinks he is the funniest, sweetest, most loving man she has ever met! 

6)  Am I a good Mom?

As Mothers, is there ever a day that we don't ask ourselves this question?  Probably not.  As for me, I just take it one day at a time and pray that I can say "yes" at the end of each one.  Or at least, "I tried to be".  Then maybe if I have more Yes's than No's, I will have succeeded.  Who knows?

7) Why can't I seem to find the time to exercise regularly? 

I know the answer to this has A LOT to do with a crazy little thing called motivation...you see, I don't have any. While my husband is out running and training for his first marathon, I struggle to get myself to do 30 minutes on the treadmill.  I know I just need to do it, but I haven't found the trick yet...any ideas?

8) What should I make for dinner?

This is the never-ending question in my mind. Every single day, I ponder over what ingredients I have in my pantry and whether or not I can put something edible together with what I have found.  Not to mention whether I have enough energy or will to try it!  I think I would melt with pure pleasure if Mike called me one afternoon to say, "Honey, I will bring home dinner tonight...you just relax." Hint Hint!!

9) At what point did I forget how old I was and actually have to stop and think about it when asked?

When I was a kid, I used to think it was so dumb when adults couldn't remember how old they were.
I mean, who doesn't know their own age, right?
Well, sadly, I am now one of those dumb adults.
My friend Amy and I recently had a discussion on this very topic, and we came to the conclusion that once you hit 30, there are no more age milestones to look forward to, so instead of looking forward to your next birthday, you start looking back and wishing you could stay young.
I couldn't wait to turn 16 so I could drive and date.
18 meant I was an adult and could now vote.
When I turned 21 I could legally drink, gamble, or get into a club - Not that I really did many of those things, but at least I legally could if I wanted to!
At 25, I could rent a car without having to pay an underage driver's fee, etc, etc.
Now I am 32 and I find myself stopping to think about it.
Oh well.
I guess I should be grateful that I still have birthday's to stop and think about, right?

10) Is there anything sweeter than enjoying dinner at your parents house and having your little boy come into the room calling, "Mommy?" just because he hasn't seen you for a minute and wants a quick hug?

I don't think so=)

Flora, Fauna, and a Few Animals Too

I love summer!  I know I have said it before, and I will continue saying it again, and again, and again...

I love our yard!  I love that all of the things we have planted over these last few years are blooming and filling in so beautifully.  I find so much peace and happiness just looking at all of the flowers and watching them transform and change.  

We are getting delicious red raspberries, 

and we started a vegetable garden this year too.  

Even though it got off to a rough start, thanks to a late snow and freeze, it too is now flourishing.  Fresh BLT's, here we come!!!

I also absolutely love being a Mom in the summer.  My little man and I are having a great time playing outside, and finding new and fun adventures to fill our days.  After a LONG winter, these warm sunny days are SO welcome and wonderful!!!

One of our latest adventures found us at "The Barn" at Thanksgiving Point.  It is basically a big petting zoo, and I wondered what Ian would think of it.  You see, one of my most favorite parts of being a Mom is watching him experience new things for the first time.  Every time we show him something new, my heart beats a little faster at the joy of watching his wonder and amazement.  Sometimes it goes well, and sometimes, well... not so much=)

This day however, was a good day.  He loved it there.  He got right up in the animals faces and let them slobber all over him.  Pretty gross for a clean-freak Mom, but as long as he was having fun, right?  At least that is what I kept telling myself as I saw the poop from the horses face migrate to the shoulder of Ian's little shirt as it sniffed his neck! YUCK!!

It really was fun though!  He fed the animals, he rode them, and he talked to them in his little 18 month old language that very few people can actually understand.  The animals seemed to "get" it though.

Have I mentioned lately that I LOVE this guy?!?!?!

The only tears of the day came when Ian was feeding this little cow and it let out a loud "MOOOOO" right in his face.

The tears came instantly and he jumped into my arms as fast as I have ever seen him jump before.  He calmed down pretty quickly though and enjoyed the rest of the day - he even walked by the cows again!  But I think his favorite part was the stop we made at the ice cream parlor on our way out - chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream dripping down his little chin seemed to have a magical way of erasing all the bad "moo" memories!=)

You also may have noticed in our recent pictures that Ian just LOVES his hat and his sunglasses.  I have a hard time actually getting him to take them off some days.  He wakes up and wants them on.  He gets out of the tub and wants them on.  He puts on his p.j.'s and wants them right back on.  I don't mind though, because doesn't he look adorably cute in them?!?!

A Few More 4th of July Pics

My friend Desiree emailed me some cute pictures that she took of our 4th of July festivities, and I just had to share - Enjoy!

my little stud muffin

These are most of the members of the "DWG" - our neighborhood "gang"=)  Yes, they went shopping together to buy matching shirts, and even more disturbing - Mike is wearing the "newest" version.  Yes, they have two sets of matching shirts... nothing else to say here, really...

and lastly, this is my neighbor's cute daughter who kindly lets me play with her hair every so often - turned out pretty cute, didn't it?  Thanks Miss T!

All Things Patriotic

Technically, this was Ian's second 4th of July, but seeing as he was only 6 months old last year, this was the first year that he was really able to celebrate and learn about all things patriotic.

Last weekend, we started things off by taking the little man to his first parade.

I love parades.  I don't know why.  I can understand why others don't like them, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to suffer through the heat and the crowds to watch them. I guess this is part of my crazy streak coming through=)

My hubby on the other hand... well, let's just say that he humors me=)  He doesn't like parades, at all - but since we have been together, he has suffered through more than his fair share of them, and all just to make me happy.  What a guy!

This year was a little different however.  This year he agreed quite easily to go along, even though I am sure he still thinks parades are a waste of time.  Why?  Because this year, we are parents and it is our obligatory duty to introduce this sweet little man of ours to all things patriotic!!  Right?  Right!

He loved that candy came flying at us from all directions, he loved the music, the motorcycles, the horses, the flags... all in all, I think his first parade was a hit!

That same night, we stayed up WAY past Ian's bedtime to introduce him to his second patriotic event - Fireworks!  Last year, we did some fireworks with our neighbors in the front yard, but this was the first time he had ever seen the big ones light up the night sky.  He loved it!  We played around on the blanket and ate licorice until it got dark, and as soon as they started, his huge eyes looked up to the sky and he said, "WOW!"  He oohed and aahed through the whole show, all the while sitting very still in Daddy's lap and gazing up at the light show.  And I am happy to report that as soon as we got home, he went out like a light, and even slept in a little the next morning.  Love that kid!!

This past weekend was the actual 4th of July, so it was crammed full of patriotic firsts for the little man.  First up, the Oakley Rodeo.  This has become a tradition with my side of the family, and at least some of us go every year. We headed up to the cabin Friday afternoon.  We had a delicious dutch oven dinner, and this was my contribution...

Mmmm... then we put on our rodeo gear, and headed out.

They did fireworks at the end of the rodeo, and again, Ian was enthralled!

We came home Saturday afternoon and after nap time, we headed over to Riverton Days to spend some fun times with our neighbors.  I didn't realize that this was an honest to goodness, real life carnival, so we were pretty excited! 

We got swindled at the games and spent way too much money, but ended up with some souvenirs for the little man, so it was worth it.  We were going to ride the ferris wheel, but after realizing that it was going to cost $12 for the three of us to ride, we decided to save that for Lagoon!  So instead, we played on the playground and sat around talking, laughing and playing until Ian started pooping out on us.  We took him home to bed and ended up watching a few fireworks shows from our own backyard.  It was pretty great!!

Sunday was a pretty relaxing day- we needed to catch up on a little rest!  We did spend the afternoon with "E" though, and we had a great time together.  We played in the fountain at the Gateway and just had fun hanging out.

Monday afternoon was spent in Ian's little swimming pool.  It was hot out, but not as hot as it has been, so we had a fun and relaxing afternoon as a family, eating popsicles and getting a little wet.

Finally, we rounded things out Monday evening with our annual neighborhood Firework/BBQ extravaganza!  Each year it seems that more and more neighbors trickle down and we ended up with probably 20 different families this year, and too many kids to count!  It was F-U-N!!

Delicious food - fun games that made my sides hurt from laughing so hard - and a fireworks show that singed a few fingers and induced squeals of delight.  (The kids liked it too=)

When the smoke had cleared and all the fun was over, Ian literally "flopped" down, deliriously tired, into his bed - another night of staying up WAY past his bedtime.  As I carried him in, I held him close for a brief moment - his little cheeks were still a little sticky from suckers and candy, and his hair smelled lightly like the smoke from the fireworks, but I still noticed the sleepy little smile behind his eyes.

I think we did a pretty good job of introducing him to all things patriotic=)

I am so grateful for this beautiful country and ALL of the brave people who have fought for and are still fighting to protect my freedoms!

I am also SO grateful to have this beautiful little boy to hold in my arms and show him all the blessings that living in this country affords us both.  And I am especially grateful to my sweet hubby for granting me one of my biggest personal freedoms - the freedom to spend every waking moment of every day with my favorite baby in all the world!  My days with him are cherished and priceless and without Mikey, they wouldn't be possible.  Thank you Babe!!

After so many years of feeling "trapped" by infertility, finally being a Mom is a freedom that is sweeter to me than I ever thought possible.

All that waiting and hurting was worth it for one thing.  This smile...

Happy 4th of July my sweet boy - I LOVE YOU!!!