What a Difference a Year Makes

Do you know what you were doing last year at this time?

I do.  

The hubby and I had just gone to court, again, and it was looking like Ian's birth mom was going to be getting him back soon.  She was granted unsupervised visits, and we were desperately trying to prepare ourselves for what seemed like the horribly inevitable.

I remember those days so clearly.  Those were the hardest and most painful days I have ever known, and the impact they have left on my heart remains vividly strong.  When I think back to the pain I felt in believing I was going to lose the beloved baby that in my heart I knew was mine, my heart still burns and my eyes start to tear up.  My chest tightens, and it gets a little harder to breath.  

But only for a moment.

Then I take in a HUGE breath of relief, and pull my little angel into my arms in a tight embrace.  

He is here.

He is MY son.

I am HIS Mommy, and we will never have to know another day without that, ever! 

I will never have to live through that fear of having him taken from us again.  I will never have to wonder if I will see his next birthday, get to walk him to school, or get to kiss his sweet chubby cheek goodnight.

And he will never have to know what it feels like to be taken from the only Mom and Dad he has ever known, and for that, I am truly, truly grateful!  

I remember the many, many tears I shed last year over what my poor baby would have to go through if he was taken from us.  Far more than any fear I had for myself, I feared what that would be like for him, and I wanted more than anything to be able to save him from that pain.  I wanted to protect him from every hurt and pain that I could.

That desire to protect him began the moment I first laid eyes on him - so innocent, so helpless, and so alone.  On the day that I first met my son, I made him a promise.  I promised him that I would be here for him from here on out, and he would NEVER have to fight alone again.  Mike and I would fight for him and with him, and he would never have to be alone again.

My heart was so heavy and it hurt SO much when I started to see that I might have to break that promise.  The helplessness I felt was overwhelming.  

I used to sing this song to my son and cry as the words took on a whole new meaning for me.

Then a miracle happened.  One of many...

Prayers were most definitely answered, and not only for us, but for Ian's birth Mom "E" as well.  She had been praying and struggling over the realization that she was not meant to be Ian's Mom.  Her prayers had been answered, only they were probably not the answers she wanted to hear.

I cannot imagine what that must have been like for her, and I can only thank God for helping her to see the truth, and giving her the courage and strength to accept it and to act on it.

One year ago, we walked into a conference room where "E" asked us if we would be willing to adopt her son.
One year ago, four lives were changed forever.
One year ago, I was able to let out the breath I had been holding since the day I first laid eyes on my sweet son.

What a difference a year makes!

Today, we are blessed with the security of knowing that we will forever have our tomorrows. We are a family and no one will ever be able to change that or take that from us.  

We are truly blessed!